The 2007 Darwin Awards
Yes, it's that magical time of year again
when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among
us.
Here is the glorious winner:
1.When his 38-caliber revolver failed to
fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach ,
California , would-be robber James Elliot did something that can
only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger
again. This time it worked. He will have no more "Victims."
And now, the honorable mentions:
2.The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost
a finger in a meat-cutting machine and, after a little shopping around,
submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting
negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried
the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3.A man who shoveled snow for an hour to
clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago
returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space.
Understandably, he shot her.
4.After stopping for drinks at an illegal
bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was
supposed to be transporting from Harare to
Bulawayo
had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a
nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then
delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that
the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The
deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5.An American teenager was in the hospital
recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.
When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was
simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train
before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a
Louisiana
Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the
clerk opened the cash drawer,
the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which
the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and
fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he
got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives
you money, is a crime committed?]
7. Seems an Arkansas
guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a
cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So
he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window.
The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head,
knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas.
The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a
New York
convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911
immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description
of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher.
They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then
taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which
he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse
from."
9.The Ann Arbor News crime column reported
that a man walked into a Burger King
in Ypsilanti ,
Michigan, at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk
turned him down because he said he couldn't open the
cash register
without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said
they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.
[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]
10. When a man attempted to siphon
gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more
than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick
man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police
spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and
plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake.
The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was
the best laugh he'd ever had.
In the interest of bettering mankind,
please share these with your friends and family... unless of course one
of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long-lost
friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain
lost. *** Remember... They walk among us!!!
